Since I last saw my step-father, who is, if we’re using psych terms one of my “perpetrators”. On that day I was in the grocery store trying to stock for our new house and kill time and calm myself down given I was waiting to here when I could pick my SO up from the hospital where he was supposed to be having surgery.

I walked into the store with my child in the shopping cart and he walked right in front of me towards the checkouts. He happened to look up when I walked in and said, “Hey, girl!” like we were great friends. I just glared and kept walking hoping that he would go away, deep down I knew he wouldn’t, and he followed me up into the baby aisle wanting to talk, telling me I had no right to be angry at him and that he wanted to talk to his grandchild.

I told him that I didn’t care and that he should go away. He was saying, “Don’t do this to me,” I walked off. He tried to say that he had rights to see my child because this is his grandchild and how dare I deny him.

I was shaking by the time I got to the deli, but my child was so cute kept going, “Okay, Mummy? Okay?” as we had been walking off perp had been trying to play with baby and be cutsie at him and attract his attention. I said, “Now, honey, we don’t play with that sort of person,” or something to that effect.

I was angry with myself too. I had started to feel guilty about not letting him talk to my child. But I have to remind myself that it’s for the child’s best interests and protection that he not be around this man who on previous occasions had tried to smack him with a rolled up newspaper and feed him honey and other things which could have killed him at under a year old.

We saw him again this past weekend. He came into a restaurant that we were eating at. He didn’t speak to us. I was with my SO and another friend and SO saw him first and they had a staredown. I have a feeling if SO hadn’t been there he would have come over and tried to be chatty. He had a woman with him who looks a lot like my Mum did when they met. That was more than a little freaky to me.

That night I had a dream that I was jumping on his chest.

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