I realized I haven’t talked much about the Otherkin aspect of things lately, and thought I would reflect on that.

I’ve always felt I was weird, and I know now that some of the weirdness growing up was from being Multiple, but while I was trying to sort out what exactly was going on for me it lead me to several different places, and most of them were non-Christian.

I’m fortunate really that I wasn’t raised in a cultish environment, most of my abuse came out more subtly with my grandmother, or more violently with students at my school. My church was actually a very accepting place, and while you might think that would lead me to be more Christian and remain so, it actually meant that I could explore comfortably and find the path that was best for me without being discouraged by the people at our church.

They actually set up a Third Sunday group where those of whose who were teenagers and starting to find our voice could talk with some of the church leaders and each other and explore the Bible and the doubts that we might be having, in the hopes that we would feel welcome within the community that mostly catered to elderly people who, for the most part, would shun us rather than help.

Anyway, this meant that when I was coming to discover that there were things like reincarnation I had a place where I could talk about that without being shunned. One of the pastors and a few of the leaders actually pointed out to me that Christ refers to John the Baptist as the reincarnation of the prophet Elijah so if I wanted to explore the theory of reincarnation I could and they would be interested to hear my findings also.

However, the more I read about more earth-based religions the more they appealed to me, and when we emigrated I found more and more basis in the pagan religions than the strange and unusual and more dogmatic ways American churches run.

My explorations were not solely on a reincarnation nature. I’ve been interested in a variety of supernatural and metaphysical things. I would conduct experiments growing up to find ways of proving if certain things existed. I would look for proof of fairies, ghosts, telekinesis, and at one point even wrote a paper on different methodologies of testing these abilities. I made myself Zener Cards and tested them with friends, and many different things.

I found out about Past Life regression and began looking into that, and discovered, before I went to college, I did indeed have at least one past life as a shaman in Peru around the time the Spanish first discovered the Incan civilization. So, I went to college armed with this discovery and more than a little shaky in my knowledge of myself, because rather than help me with the voices, the discovery of Myeda had sent everything in my head into a bit of an uproar. My room mate promptly decided that I was bipolar, and I met several other people within the first few months of my college who seemed to have the same sort of beliefs that I did, except they found solace in characters from anime and famous people and not just “regular past lives”. It was intriguing to me but in many ways it fit with things that were going on. They talked about these people living with them in their head, and that’s the way the voices had always been for me. They would live in my head and some times they would take over for me.

The techniques these people used helped me, somewhat, get a handle on the voice situation. However, one of these people I met became a very controlling influence in my life, which for three years, was definitely not a good situation to be in. Still, I have to credit “Zoe” with helping me in a round-about and very destructive way, because recovering from all that mess really gave each of my alters a solid foundation in the past and future lives that I’d uncovered thanks to the work and manipulations of Zoe.

It was during that recovery that I discovered otherkin. A friend that I’d met online while trying to get out from under Zoe happened across Otherkin.net and the questionnaire they had, she had filled it out and come out as potentially otherkin and I did the same and also got that result. It was because of the dreams and memories of being non-human; even when I was still in England I’d felt like an alien masquerading, and I had stories full of memories from Yana and she was not human. Since then I’d discovered wolfish lives, and werewolf lives, as well as several other human lives, and many of my alters have cleaved to those lives as the basis of their personalities. I’m not sure if that’s the way it works with every multiple, and it probably isn’t, but I’m grateful for the otherkin aspect of things because working on that has helped me to maintain balance, and who knows what would have become of me without that balance.

It’s interesting to get confirmations on things some times. In one of the werewolf lives I remember bits and pieces from I had written that the name of the town they lived in began with F, when pushing I said Flanders because the Simpsons was on at the time, but I was feeling it was more like Fal-something definitely two syllables not Fife where my grandfather now was born and grew up, plus Fife is the name of an area not a town. It was around an hour away from Edinburgh, and they didn’t live in the town itself but in an area around it, near something pretty significant.

Well, the other night when I was running the game I designed for roleplay for some friends, which is set around that universe/memories so that I have a good route to come up with plot the game ended, and we decided to start a new one based around the Arthurian legend but still within the same universe. Well, I as looking up about the Arthurian legends and one of the strong contenders for the location of Camelot is up in Scotland. It turns out that it is six minutes from the town of Falkirk which is surrounded by a lot of farmland as the area where Jared, my werewolf grew up, and Falkirk is, according to Google Earth, 46 minutes from Edinburgh by road.

I got goosebumps.

I was once told by a French songwriter that she believed that I was Otherkin just like she was because of something she could see in my eyes.

I told her I was still trying to explore what I was and wasn’t sure if I truly was otherkin. She said, and I’m paraphrasing now, “Of course, you are. We are other than human only because our souls are something else. It is our souls which make us different.”

Maybe that’s true. It’s hard to quantify things properly when they get to a soul-level.

I’m pretty vehement in maintaining my humanity. I’m not going to slag off the fact that I’m human now. I chose this for whatever purpose I set before the life started. I was born to human parents. I have a human significant other and we have a human child. We are physically human. None of us can morph or shift forms or anything like that.

I’m sure I piss people off with that, but seriously that’s the way it is for me. You may come into my IM screen or my email or even comment here on the blog telling me that you can help me unlock my werewolf side (and seriously why is it always werewolves? I’ve never had someone IM me to unlock my elf side. It’s always “hey, u in2 werewolves?”) because I was a werewolf before and still am now (according to them). For some reason the fact that I was one in a past life is unacceptable to these people. I might be confused about what’s fully going on with me, but I’d think I would know better than you how wolfish I am and am not.

Moving on.

I believe I was creatures other than human in a past life and will be again in future lives, so perhaps that means I should say that I’ve had otherkin lives but I’m not one now?

That’s one of the things I’m trying to straighten out.

For “me” this is particularly confusing at the moment because I’m coming to realize that what I’ve been viewing as channeling and aspecting for some time, and just talking to my other lives is more that I’m fractured along those and working as a plural or multiple system. That further bleeds out the grey areas and makes it problematic to decipher what’s going on.

But, then, that’s what I, or we, are going to therapy for.

I’m talking about my soul’s age. I have memories. I have no other way to describe them. I’ve gone through phases of trying to push these things away as just dreams or imaginings. I’ve said they were story ideas, but the longer I’ve looked at them, studied them, tried to write about them, the only way I can properly quantify them is that they are memories: memories of other lives and other planes of existence.

Some times these memories come as random flashes, triggered by something similar in this life. Others tell volumes worth of stories because I’ve spent time cataloging everything and trying to lay it out in chronological order. I have an entire universe that I can map out from mid-way of it’s time period to almost the apocalypse. It’s very scary to see civilizations building and destroying themselves in my brain. I know these people. I care about these people. I loved some of these people and hated others and now I meet them over again, some I still love, some I still hate, others have changed their definition towards me depending on what lessons they have to learn this time around. Not all of these people are or were human, some are, some will be again.
As you might gather from the image that’s in the layout of the website I relate with elves. I’ve been several elves. I’ve been creatures that you might consider to be dragons, but they called and considered themselves something else. I remember clearly the pain of choking back a feral side for five years or more before finally letting it free and my body tearing itself into a new shape at the basic level to become a wolf, and then fleeing in terror from other pack/family members who were higher in the scheme of things than me.

Some of the people I have worked with in the past with my own brand of guided meditation I don’t know if they saw things that were true or they were just imagining, and I probably will never know, so what’s the point in dwelling on it. Others I’ve worked with since I went through proper regression classes I feel have seen some thing; as for myself I don’t know. It’s hard because the only person I know who is trained and certified cannot wrap his own paradigm around otherkin and so I would not be able to trust him enough to let him see what’s in me. To him that would be proof he was right. To me it wouldn’t. There would be no resolution.

I used to consider that a good portion of people who believed themselves to be otherkin just couldn’t find any other way to come with certain traumas that they’ve been through, but now, again I find myself wondering how different to them I am, considering things which have come up from my own past recently.

My hypnotherapy teacher said he’d never encountered anyone who had reincarnated as something other than human, but my own workings seem to prove that to be untrue. I feel that perhaps the universe just didn’t want to mess with his paradigm. He had learned what he needed to for his existence this time around. There’s a part of me that really wants to work with him because I trust him to do his job, but I don’t believe anything would be served by screwing with his point of existence.

So, here I am still trying to find my definition. Hence being a “work in progress”.